A Letter To My First born...

 
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My darling girl,

Where to even begin. 

It's taken me awhile to start this letter because every time I try, I get so emotional! I hope one day you read this, and you can feel my heart. Right now you're sleeping...and I've got the monitor next to me like I always do so I can peek at you periodically because I just love watching my little angel sleep.

You are my first born. The "chapter one" in my motherhood story and what a beautiful story it's been thus far. You completely changed my world that night three years ago and nothing will ever compare to the feeling I had pulling you up to my chest, all 6 pounds 12 ounces of you, holding you for the first time with tears welling up in my eyes. In that moment time stood still and it was just "us" ... Mommy, Daddy, and London Grace. I had absolutely no idea what was in store, but I'll never forget how overwhelmed I was with love and how instantly I felt so honored to call you "ours."

If only I'd known then how fleeting every moment after that would be. How quickly you'd go from that 6-pound bundle to my sweet, independent, bold, beautiful, and sometimes sassy baby girl soon heading off to preschool. You've grown so fast and while I feel so incredibly lucky to watch every part of that, it hurts my heart a bit. The truth is, I already miss "us." I've had days (a lot of them) where I find myself in tears...almost mourning the time spent where it's just Mommy + Lolo. Because whether we're adventuring to the beach, having a Starbucks date or just taking a walk to the playground - we always have the BEST time together. That doesn't mean it's always been easy. You are my first born after all, and with that has come a lot of trial and error. I've probably done too much worrying, stressed a little too much, and shed too many tears about things that don't matter much in the end. I have days where I feel worn down and like I am failing in so many areas as a mom, but your beautiful, loving soul always brings me back down to Earth. Your infectious personality and smile reminds me that while I'm far from perfect, I must be doing something right. Thank you for that. 

Soon, daily life for us will look a little bit different. It won't be just the three of us, and you will have to share mommy more. I want you to know that God knew I needed you first. That's the thing about God...He always gives us exactly what we need and He's the ultimate gift-giver. YOU are His ultimate gift to us and everything I ever imagined. This transition may seem a bit scary and overwhelming for both of us, but it gives me so much joy when I envision the ways our family is going to grow in even more love and happiness. I can picture you as a brave big girl ... eager to show and teach your little sister everything along the journey of life. She is the luckiest to have you. 

No matter how much our world changes, you will forever be my first child; the one who taught me the truest meaning of unconditional love, pride, happiness, and even heartache too. I love you from the depths of my soul...forever and ever, my sweet girl. 

With all my heart,

Mummy